Love Letters

Sunday night

San Joaquin Home

Stockton

My dearest Jarrod,

I've been away from you for barely two hours, and I miss you already. Yet, I am also excited about the days to come. After a long, circuitous route, I feel I have finally found the task I was put here to do. I shall be having tête-à-têtes with each of my students over the next two days, so that I may find out each one's interests and talents, and so that I shall know best how to teach them. Mrs. Gregson has some trepidation about allowing the Nagle boys to attend the school here, but she is taking me at my word that I will be able to handle them. What an inspired idea of your mother's that was. But then, Victoria is brilliant, there is no doubt of it. I am sure you get your fine mind from her. I'm sending her a separate letter to thank her for all her many kindnesses. The two weeks I spent at the ranch with all of you have been the best of my life. You have made me feel happy and well and able to take up this welcome task.

Thank you for loving me as you do, to wish me well in this, even though it separates us for a time. I shall have to be content with weekly kisses instead of daily ones for a while, yet I think this will make me a better woman and all the more able to love you as you should be loved. You are a fine and rare man, Jarrod, and I love you with all my heart.

I send a kiss along with this letter - hold it for me until I see you again.

Your loving Feather

Monday

Barkley Ranch

Stockton

My dearest Feather,

I miss you as well, dear, but I am also happy you have found your calling at last. I would never deny you the chance to become your best self, and if that means that I, too, must be content with weekly kisses, well then, we must make those kisses all the sweeter. Have you yet decided whether you will spend your weekends at the ranch? My heart yearns for you to say, "yes," but I understand your desire to reside fully at the orphanage long enough to establish yourself there. It is, and will be for awhile, your home. Please do come spend Sunday with the family - we are not the same without you. We all miss you, myself most of all.

Audra sends her love, and promises to help you shop for new clothes with your first pay. Frankly, dear Molly, I think you are better able to choose what suits you than she is, as long as you stay my bright Molly. Never go dark again, Feather - it doesn't suit you.

Mother hopes you find the encyclopedia she sent you useful, and wishes you to send her a list of books you shall be wanting. Nick and Heath both send their love as well. And you know you have the love of your

Jarrod

How dare you send me such a splendid birthday present and not be here when I receive it? The first flush of pleasure, joy, and gratitude which should have been yours will now have to arrive via this missive, second hand. Humph!

Really, Jarrod dear, it is a grand gift. So unlike what a beau is expected to give his belle, yet just exactly what you should give to me. I shall gaze upon the Pleiades and treasure each star more than a diamond.

This is the second time I have received a telescope for my birthday - my father gave me one when I was a girl of twelve. Not only have you given me a splendid gift, you have restored a pleasant memory. All the love and kindness you and your family have given me has not only brightened my future, it has returned to me my past - all those memories which had been buried in pain and loss are now treasures to be cherished.

Please forgive the beginning of this letter, love. I am only unhappy that I am unable to fully share my delight with you, but you have made this birthday a most happy one. I thank you, dearest. Your loving and grateful

Thursday

Barkley Ranch

Stockton

My dearest Molly,

I am so sorry if I have given you offense. I know the family will be giving you your gifts when we celebrate your birthday on Saturday, but I wanted you to have something on the day. The day you were born is precious to me - if I have erred, I pray you will forgive me.

I am glad you like the telescope - I remember the first time I drove you home and you showed me the heavens. That was the night I first began to love you, Feather, when you gazed upon the darkness of my soul and were moved to comfort me. I saw what a warm and womanly heart you have, and could not help but admire it.

I am also glad that your past has been restored to you, and that you think I had a part in that. If your girlhood was a happy one, then you should remember it so, no matter what came after.

You must bring the telescope with you when you come - you can show me the heavens again. I am eager to learn from you, Molly. You must teach me all that you know.

Until Saturday, I remain your loving

Jarrod

My dear Jarrod,

I shall not be able to come to you, Emily has scarlet fever. Please, you and your family must stay away - we are in quarantine.

Molly

My dearest Molly,

I am sending this letter down with Mother. She nursed Nick and me through scarlet fever when we were children - she will know what to do. We two also stand ready to help you in whatever way possible should the disease spread. Do not fear, Feather, we shall not desert you.

Jarrod

Tuesday, November 23rd

San Joaquin Home

Stockton

My dearest, darling, most-excellent Jarrod,

You Barkleys - always rushing into trouble instead of away from it; which is why I love all of you so much.

I do not know what we would have done here without you - I am certain we would have lost someone, Emily or John or perhaps more, without the care which you, Victoria, and Nick provided. Bless you all, dearest, bless you all.

I would have expected that you and Victoria would make excellent nurses, but Nick was a revelation. So strong, so gentle, always with a smile to cheer the sickest of patients, and a blithe willingness to perform even the most disgusting of tasks. All the boys wish to be him, and half the girls are in love with him (the other half are in love with you, my sweet, for your gentleness and charming compassion).

Bless Audra, too, for offering to take Emily and John to San Diego to complete their convalescence. The warm sea air should do them good and, we hope, stave off the dire consequences that scarlet fever so often produces. She is going to give up Christmas with your family, and I know what a generous gesture that is.

And let me not forget Heath and Mrs. Gregson - Heath for the thankless task of running the ranch, freeing the rest of you to help here, and Mrs. Gregson for taking care of the healthy children single-handed, and for her devotion to cleanliness, which I am convinced prevented the further spread of this terrible disease - only eight of seventeen sick, and only two seriously. It almost seems a miracle.

Again, dearest, bless you. Bless you all.

Feather

While you are heaping accolades, my love, pray do not forget yourself. Your devotion and calm serenity stilled many a fevered child. I see the manner in which those children trust you, and it makes me proud that you are my Molly.

I could almost feel jealousy, Feather, of your lavish praise of my brother, did I not agree with you. Few outside the family recognize Nick's worth - I am glad that you do. There is no one I would rather have at my back than Nick, no one I would rather have at my side than you.

I am going to insist that you spend your weekends with us, and your entire Christmas holiday. If your pupils need a break from you, you certainly need a break from them. You are far too pale and wan, my love. Come to us and let us restore you.

We shall travel down to San Diego and see Audra. Would not the warm sea air do you good as well? And we shall cuddle under the mistletoe as much as Mother will allow, and when she is not looking. Do agree, Feather. Do.

My dearest Jarrod,

Yes, I shall do all you ask - I shall come for Christmas, I shall go to the sea with you, and I shall cuddle under the mistletoe as much as you like - if you will agree to do so as much as I like. You also look pale and wan, my love. Let us restore one another.

Feather

New Year's Day

The Waves

San Diego

My dearest Jarrod,

I wonder how much good the warm sea air is doing me - I feel well, but so languid. All I wish to do is lie on the chaise longue and think of you. Not that I begrudge you the compassion and sense of duty that sent you back to Stockton - the qualities that I most love in you - but I do miss you and wish you with me.

Emily and John look so well, I do not think it can be many weeks before they can return home. Audra's care of them is very sweet to see, and seems to have done her much good as well. I think such responsibility has been good for her - she seems much more a woman and much less a girl.

Well, dear, the tide is out and Emily and John wish me to take them to explore the tide pools - so many creatures I have never seen before, so much I do not know. I am quite fascinated - I wish I had a book or someone to teach me more. There is so much beauty in the world that I do not begin to understand.

Oh, Jarrod, before I go, I must tell you that I think I am beginning to believe in God. I look at that place in my soul, and there is a spark there - not a flame, yet, but perhaps in time. Something to warm myself with, if not yet enough to warm another.

Until I see you again, I enclose a kiss and am your most loving

Feather

January 4

Barkley Ranch

Stockton

My dearest Molly,

Oh, my dearest, I am so glad of your belief. You already warm me, and all those around you, never doubt it. You love so well, it is well that you should feel loved in return.

I am so sorry that I had to part from you - I had so looked forward to enjoying this holiday with you - but I take joy in your understanding. You shall need it when we are married, my love.

Ah, did I just write that? It seems that my heart has taken the lead over my head. Well, I shall not toss it away, because it is the truth. I do mean to marry you, but I had not meant to declare myself just yet. Do not consider this a proposal, Feather - that I shall do properly when I see you again. Perhaps you should consider it a warning, dearest.

I am so glad that Audra is doing as well as you say. We have often wondered when she should find her calling. None of us have wanted to press her, for a calling cannot be forced, but her lack of responsibility has worried us. Once awakened, who can say where this shall lead, but it seems to me that it can only lead to good. Do not doubt that it was your good example that has led her thus far - your good opinion carries more weight with our Audra than you know.

I shall post this letter with pounding heart, for, more than any other I have sent, my full heart goes with this.

Your ever faithful

Jarrod

　

　

Monday, January 17

San Joaquin Home

Stockton

My dearest fiancé,

What pleasure it gives me to write that word, and to say it. I believe I shall write it again - fiancé. I shall treasure it until the day I replace it with a better.

The ring is much admired, although I must turn it under when I am teaching - otherwise I spend all my time gazing upon it, and get nothing done. How kind of Victoria to give it to you for me - the history just makes it all the more precious.

It took some arguing to convince Mrs. Gregson that I intend to continue teaching after we are married. In her eyes, I am marrying the eldest scion of the wealthiest, most powerful family in the Valley - why would I continue to work? You and I understand that this is not so for me - I am not marrying wealth and power, I am marrying my Jarrod, who respects my conscience and my heart. In whose eyes I most fully become myself.

I shall see you soon, dearest, every weekend. We have so much to plan and dream. I shall cherish every day that I am

Your fiancée, Feather

I, too, delight in that sobriquet, until the day I also replace it with another.

How I wish that I too, had some token of our engagement to gaze upon. Not that I have trouble calling you to mind, sweetest, but sometimes this seems so like a pleasant dream, I would love to have something tangible. As to the ring, Mother had always intended it for the first of her children to marry - how fortunate for me that God blew you to me, Feather.

Of course I wish for you to continue teaching, love - did we not decide that the night we began courting? If it is a scandal to others, well, it is a good scandal. Always follow your conscience, Feather. You have a good one, one I greatly admire.

I will see you soon, dearest. I know no one I would rather plan and dream with than you, for the rest of my life.

Here is your token - I had it painted while I was in San Diego with Audra. I had meant to give it you for your birthday next month, but it is more appropriate now. I think it is a good likeness - I hope you do as well.

Ah, the honeymoon. Dare I say that I blush at the mere thought. I dream so of being in your arms as your wife, that where matters not, only when. San Francisco? We could visit the theater, and take in the concerts. Does that meet with your approval, dearest?

I am trying to put together my guest list for the wedding, and I dare say you shall consider it an odd assortment. I would like to invite the people who helped me when I was in trouble last year - Annie, Mrs. Ephraim and some of her boarders who were kind to me then. I would also like to invite Dick Shalot and the men I taught in the lumber camp, if we can find them, and the members of my theater troupe. So the bride's side shall consist of actors, lumbermen and working women. What shall the high-lights of Stockton say to that? But I refuse to be ashamed of such good people, no matter what social stratus I may be about to enter.

If I can find them - perhaps Nick will help me find my lumberjacks? I believe Bill Davis, the director of my troupe, is in San Francisco. At least, he was the last I heard of him.

I would also like to invite my pupils to the wedding breakfast, unorthodox as that may be. I only wish to be surrounded by those who have meant so much to me, on the happiest day of my life.

And it will be happiest day of my life, when I become your wife and cease to be

Thursday

Barkley Ranch

Stockton

My dearest fiancée,

What a charming miniature! It is such a good likeness - the artist has captured both your warmth and your humor, no small task for a portrait so small. Does he also do full size portraits, do you know? Perhaps he would be willing to paint our wedding portrait. Do let me know his name and I shall write to him. In the meantime, I wear your likeness on a ribbon next my heart.

San Francisco? No, dearest, you think too small. I would suggest the south of France for our honeymoon. With the railroad and steamships, we can be there in less than three weeks. We have three months until we need to be back for your school - let us take advantage of the time. Would you not like to use that charming French of yours as it was intended to be used? Do think it over, Feather.

Perhaps you and Mother should go to San Francisco this weekend to seek out your Bill Davis. My trial is coming on Monday, so I should be poor company for you. You can shop for your trousseau as well. And I am certain Nick would be happy to help you find your lumberjacks.

Do not fear Stockton's censure of your guest list. My intended Best Man, Brett, is a convicted felon - who also happens to be guilty - so I doubt any wagging tongues would even bother with a few actors and working women. We both wish the people who have been important to us to be near us at this time. I, for one, do not care for any opinions save yours and my family's.

Of course, invite your pupils to the breakfast. Invite them to the wedding, if you wish. It is our day, after all.

I, too, look forward with great eagerness to the day you become my wife. Until then, I shall remain

Your loving fiancé,
Jarrod